


head wonk

by emptypockets



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Amnesia, Hurt/Comfort, Team Bonding, and those dodgy neural balancers left so much room for shit to go down, because first of all i'm still salty that we didn't get an on screen post ep group discussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-22 09:49:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17057546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptypockets/pseuds/emptypockets
Summary: Post 11x10. A miscalculation and ill-intended tampering leave the team stranded on Ranskoor Av Kolos with the Doctor and Yaz defenseless against the planet's psychological attacks.





	1. it's not over yet

**Author's Note:**

> first multichapter of this era! not sure how long it'll end up being so we'll just see what happens. i'm getting back into the groove of writing and i am SO relieved. this is pretty much my only hobby at the moment so i'm glad it's not dead.

"Keep your faith. Travel hopefully. The universe will surprise you." The Doctor curls her fingers tighter around the TARDIS door handle with her hearts full of sentiment and eyes shining to match. Her own words leave a flutter in her chest derived from countless personal experiences and encounters. The worlds she's seen, the people she's met, everyone and everything she has learned to love and learned to lose. The universe can be cruel, but it is never cowardly. The universe has taught her more lessons than all of her childhood teachers combined, lessons that she will carry on her shoulders until the end of time and pass on to those bright enough to receive it's messages. The Doctor smiles, pats her box with a subconscious affection that warms her soul and she bids Andinio, Delph, Paltraki and his crew a farewell nod. "Constantly." 

She sometimes likes leaving things on a lingering, hopeful note, and the wonder of what the Ux and Paltraki's fate holds quickly makes way to certainty. The Doctor knows they'll go on to accomplish amazing things. 

When the TARDIS doors click shut Ryan, Yaz and Graham all look up from their positions of silent pondering to watch the Doctor cross the console room and dance halfheartedly around the controls as if there's something more highly prioritized in her mind than flying the TARDIS off world. Her hands falter to a stop and she watches them, head tilted as she loses herself in her own thought process for a long enough time that Ryan starts to shuffle his feet. 

"Is everyone alright?" Her voice is quiet but steady, prompting an honest response as her gaze flickers back and forth between her three friends. Physically, she knows they're not bad off. Mentally, she hopes their state is no worse. "This was a tricky one, but I'm proud of you.  _All_ of you." She holds eye contact with Graham for a beat longer than the others and the man presses his lips into a thin, sad smile and gives her a shadow of a nod of heartfelt appreciation. "You really showed your colors today, fam. I'm thankful to call you my friends." 

There's a brief stretch of silence as everyone processes this unexpected sentiment that throws them all a bit off whack. Yaz and Ryan exchange a look and Graham points his eyes at his shoes.

"What, too soppy? I thought humans liked soppy!" The Doctor smiles when she draws a laugh out of them and the ever so slight tension gives way to blatant, unrestrained affection shining from their eyes and wide grins like rays of sunlight. "I mean it, though. I want you all to know that."

"I mean hey," Ryan brings his shoulders almost all the way up to his ears. "We're the lucky ones. You  _literally_ fell out of the sky and gave us the universe. We just went along for the ride." 

"Enough modesty!" Yaz chuckles something so familiar and genuine. "We all absolutely  _killed it_ today - maybe poor phrasing. Point is, we make a good team."

"All of us." Graham meets the Doctor's eyes again and hopes she can read his sincerity. 

The mixed emotions of relief, warmth and happiness weighs the Doctor down with heavy comfort. She hopes she gets to feel this way for eons. 

"Right. That's enough sop to last us a whole month." She wiggles her fingers midair and eyes the controls before her hands fall into proper position. "To Sheffield, I'm assuming? The hard bit of the day's over - you lot deserve a nap and a few." 

"Sheffield?" Yaz looks to Ryan and Graham, who nod and confirm in sync. 

"Sheffield." 

Amidst pushes and pulls and twists and turns her head shoots up. "Oh yeah, as soon as we're off planet you can take your neural balancers off. Don't want to risk it any sooner. I'm still headachey." In her peripheral she sees Yaz's mouth open and shut as if she planned to chime in but decided against it. 

The TARDIS lands with a thud but the Doctor's expression isn't as cheery as before. "That's not right." 

"What's wrong?" Ryan is the first to follow when the Doctor steps outside, hands on her hips and head tilted back, eyes squinted against the gloomy color to the world around them that still manages to be half blinding. 

"Well that's definitely not right." She hears Yaz and Graham step out of the TARDIS as well, quickly followed by the sound of the door shutting and Graham's questionable quip. 

"We're still on Ranskoor whatsit." He acknowledges. 

"Ranskoor Al Kolos." Yaz interjects. 

"Ranskoor  _Av_ Kolos." The Doctor turns her head to scan the surrounding terrain. "Why have you brought us back here, girl? Or are you just trying to be funny. If so, I'm getting you a joke book for Christmas." 

"You still talking to the TARDIS?" Graham quirks his brow but is instantly hushed. 

"Let's go back inside. Second time's the charm, right?" One last analytic squint and the Doctor turns heel to head for the doors.

"You said that a few weeks ago," Ryan follows, reaching the door first. "Except it was  _fourteen."_

"Oi, it's not my fault if the TARDIS is a joker. A pretty terrible one, mind, but-" The Doctor cuts herself off and her jaw drops in astonishment when Ryan touches the door handle and the sound of a lock clicking bounces loudly in their ears. She doesn't have time to act before the TARDIS begins to dematerialize on it's own accord. "No, no,  _no, no!"_ She lunges forward, shoving past Ryan to grasp at the handle that's phasing in and out of view. Her hand falls right through it. "Oi, that's not fair!" 

Just in time before the box has completely relocated she manages to yank the sonic out of her coat pocket and whisk it in front of the TARDIS with a whir, watching it finally fade from view and dropping her eyes to the device in her hand. 

"What just happened?" Yaz ran forward to stand at the Doctor's side, hovering at her left and uselessly trying to read the sonic's diagnostics that she knows are personally untranslatable. "Has it ever done that before? Can you get it back?" 

The Doctor ignores her and stares blankly at her sonic, trying to connect the few pieces she has to make sense of what it's telling her. 

"Guess it's not all over, then." Graham's heavy sigh speaks for everyone's slack frustration. 

"That wasn't my fault, was it?" Ryan is wide eyed. "I swear, I barely touched it." 

"Everyone shut up for a minute." The Doctor waves her free hand dismissively in their direction. "The TARDIS was protecting itself. Apparently she registered something that responds with hostility to artron energy, so she fled the scene." 

"Where is she?" Graham spins a circle to look around, purposefully using the Doctor's preferred pronouns for her box despite how ridiculous it feels in order to prevent wasting time to her irritated correction. 

"A few miles off. Safe." She responds, still squinting at her sonic in confusion.

"Well  _I_ didn't respond with hostility to  _artron energy._ And didn't you say we're all sort of - coated with it since we've time traveled?" 

"Sort of. And you're right, it wasn't you." 

Yaz wracks her brain for potential solutions. "Can you do the thing you did back in the shrine? Summon the TARDIS?" 

The Doctor shakes her head regretfully. "That's not something to make a habit of, she hates it. Plus, no stenza tech to link my sonic with this time. Wouldn't be able to if I tried." Brow still knit in confusion the Doctor's features take on a hint of uncomfortable consideration. She raises her sonic to point it at Ryan's temple where the neural balancer still sits, working in stasis. She frowns deeply at the readings. "He shouldn't have been able to do that." 

"I didn't do anything!" Ryan defends again.

"Not you," She raises the sonic to point at Graham's balancer this time, face slackening with disappointment when the readings match. "Tzim Sha interfered with our balancers. Don't know how, but he did. The TARDIS is registering them as hostile. They're not actually incompatible with artron energy - that would be ridiculous. They're Gallifreyan tech, but the TARDIS won't let us in if we're wearing them." 

Graham struggles to follow. "Why did she let us in earlier?" 

The Doctor's concerned frown morphs into one of anger. "Tzim Sha isn't as dormant as we hoped. He must have somehow just now done his tampering." She groans dramatically in frustration. "Too many questions. Too much not making sense. One thing at a time." A few rapid blinks to steady her thoughts. "One thing at a time."

"So," Yaz hesitates. "Can we find the TARDIS and just take the balancers off right before we open the doors?"

"Probably." The Doctor mumbles, but her eyes are still absent. 

Yaz had tried to ignore it, concluding without other option that her head still felt funny as an aftereffect of being without a neural balancer for the few minutes she'd surrendered it to Delph. This time it's stronger, more insistent, catching her attention and eliciting a quiet hiss of pain and the scrunching of her face as an uncomfortable wave courses through her brain. 

The Doctor looks up at the sound, visibly concerned but not surprised. "Head wonk?"

Yaz looks as though she's trying to hide her distraught, but the unsettling nod of confirmation is matched with worried eyes nonetheless. 

"Me too." She bites the inside of her lip and as Ryan and Graham ask questions that fade into the background with wisps of heavy wind, the Doctor draws her sonic again. She scans Yaz's balancer, then her own, and the previously happy heaviness in her chest now simply feels weighted with dread. 

"What? What is it?" Yaz has given up on denial. She just wants to go home. 

The Doctor pockets her sonic and drags a hand down the length of her face. "When we gave our neural balancers to Andinio and Delph they fried the circuit. Too much energy." She kicks herself for her carelessness. "I should have thought about that before. Wouldn't have changed anything, but we could've done without all the dawdling." 

Yaz's jaw drops as understanding fills her with increasing worry. "So we've been...  _mentally_ defenseless against the planet this whole time?" 

The Doctor nods quickly, mind racing for solutions. "Yup." 

Graham ruffles a hand anxiously through his hair. "That's pretty bad, isn't it?"

She tugs the lapel of her coat outward to pocket the sonic again. "Yup." 

 

"So we've got to walk miles to the TARDIS with no way to shield our brains."

"Yup." 

Everyone quiets, thoughts running wild, eyes cast towards each other in uncertainty. 

"Should be alright, yeah?" Ryan tries. "You've both made it this long without completely losing your senses. If we leg it we might make it in time."

"We may," The Doctor's expression is unchanged and she looks over to make unsteady, intent eye contact with the woman at her left. "Yaz, which of us are gonna be the first to admit that we can't remember what we did yesterday?" 

She half expects Yaz to have not even considered previous events, but her expression as well is unmoving from it's deeply set blank state of worry. "I-"

"1847!" Graham blurts unhelpfully, watching their faces for any sign of recognition. "We went to London 1847, remember, Doc? You made yourself sick from eating too much fish." 

Yaz and the Doctor still watch each other cautiously, and Yaz shakes her head with a vacant look. "Anything?" 

"Nothing." The Doctor lets out a heavy huff and twists her hands together. 

The thoughtful silence returns, more tensed than before until Ryan breaks it. "So." He laughs nervously. "Hard bit of the day isn't over afterall." 

In the blink of an eye the Doctor has suppressed her pessimism onto the back burner, forces a smile and hops once in place. "Right! Who's up for a jog?" 


	2. the journey ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few days ago I was excited ALL DAY to get home and write this chapter, only to find that one of my cats took off with one of the pieces of my laptop charger. Two days later my roommate found it in his bed. The moral of the story is, cats are freaks and I actually have an excuse for a late update this time. One more chapter to go after this one, and I know how it's going to go down so it's just a matter of when I have the time to write it. Enjoy!

"What's your name?" 

"Yasmin Khan." 

"What's your mum's name?" 

"Najia Khan." 

"What are our names?" 

Yaz kicks her way through the sand that swallows her boots and sends an ache through just about every muscle in her legs. She blinks dully at the Doctor, feigning annoyance towards her repeated questioning and suppressing the fact that answers take a little longer to cohere every time.

"Ryan," She points confidentially over her shoulder. "Graham," shifts her thumb to the left, then taps her index finger against the shoulder nearly touching her own. "And you still won't us your  _real_ name but you like to call yourself Doctor. Probably because it makes you sound more professional than you actually are." 

"Oi," The Doctor somehow manages to frown with her whole body. "It's as real of a name as  _Yaz._ And why would I want to sound professional? Professionals wear expensive suits and ties and carry empty brief cases to make people think they're worth something! And they use too much hair gel." 

Graham chuckles from behind them, muttering to Ryan under his breath. "And some wear suspenders." 

"I heard that." She twists around to shoot him a glare that lasts a second at most before her eyes bear deep down on Yaz, unwavering. "What's your sister's name?" 

Yaz drops her head in exasperation. "Doctor I told you, if my memory starts to go fuzzy you'll be the first to know." 

"If your brain deletes something," Ryan picks up his pace to fall in line with them. "How can you know you've forgotten it?" 

She deflates a touch at that. 

"He's got a point, Yaz." The Doctor chews the inside of her lip, a subconscious nervous habit she annoys herself with unintentionally on a daily basis. She waits a few seconds to give her friend time to process but can't hold her tongue for long. She repeats her question more urgently, more insistent. "What's your sister's name?" 

"Sonya." Yaz meets her eyes triumphantly. "My dad's name is Hakim, and my Nani's name is Umbreen. Would you like me to list off all my childhood best mates as well?"

"Might be helpful."

"No need." Ryan snickers and bumps Yaz's shoulder with his own. "I was her only friend." 

Yaz's jaw drops and she smacks him in the arm. "You very much were  _not,_ thank you!" 

They'd realized pretty quickly that sprinting full speed all the way to the TARDIS wasn't going to be on the table. After a few intervals of running, walking, running, walking, the anxious hurry came to a close with Graham complaining about his bad back. Instead they settled for a brisk walk and agreed to only bother with picking up the pace if Yaz or the Doctor started showing any severe signs that the planet was affecting their minds. 

Every now and then the Doctor scans the path ahead. Sometimes to check for potential unwanted obstacles that could delay their arrival, sometimes to double check just how much further until they're out of range of the psychotropic waves threatening to churn their memories to nothing.

The Doctor's forehead crinkles and she lowers the sonic. Her pace doubles into a jog and with sighs, eye rolls and overly expressive pained grunts from Graham, the team fall into step. 

* * *

 

"Does that thing give you an ETA?" Graham is the first to ease to a stop. Hands braced on his knees, eyes squinted into a disgruntled scowl as if the Doctor's to blame for all this running about. "My back's givin' out." 

"Enough about the back, Graham!" Ryan bends over to catch his breath, chest heaving. "We've got more important stuff to worry about." 

"You say that," Graham straightens, hands perched on his hips and body tilted slightly back to help the oxygen in his lungs do it's job. "But if I keel over in this here dirt then it's not  _me_ who'll be stuck dragging my arse back to the TARDIS." 

"Loving the positivity, boys." The Doctor hurriedly scans the terrain ahead, no sign of exertion from their sprint apart from the slight satisfied relaxation of her shoulders. One hand waves the sonic wildly in front, the other is at her back holding tight to Yaz's wrist to propel her along. Her friend's energy seemed to dwindle much quicker than the rest of them, she notices, and slips her hand fully into Yaz's grasp to give her arm an encouraging jostle. "How's the head wonk?" 

"Pretty much the same." Her eyes are narrowed at the gloom to the atmosphere that hurts her eyes a lot more than the description would imply. "How much further to go?" 

"Close to an hour if we walk." The Doctor pockets her sonic and fiddles with the hood of her coat. "Less if we leg it, but it sounds like Graham's given up on that."

"Oi, not me." Graham jabs his index finger in the air before her face. "My back." 

"It's alright, Graham." Ryan claps him on the back of the shoulder. "We know these things get tricky with old age." 

Graham gives him a very pointed, very clearly irritated look before initiating the trek again. 

The four trudge on wordlessly for a stretch, falling into a comfortable silence and concentrating on pushing their tired legs onward. The Doctor trails Yaz along, hands firmly linked, Yaz still dawdling a couple paces behind and shuffling her feet against the ground every handful of steps. The Doctor twists back to check on her and finds her head bowed, eyes screwed shut, the heel of her palm digging uncomfortably against her temple. 

"Hey." She stops walking and lets her friend catch up the couple extra paces. "Feeling okay?" 

Yaz tentatively lifts her head to find three pairs of concerned, caring eyes that she  _really_ doesn't want to worry, but the banging in her head has increased it's tempo and volume, pounding ruthlessly against her skull, compromising her vision into an unsteady blur. 

She moves the hand on the side of her head to lay over her eyes and she rubs them uncomfortably, voice low and hesitant as she confesses, "Not the best." She hears the Doctor's shaky inhale before she notices the frown on her face. 

"What's your name?" The Doctor squeezes her hand in hopes it provides a link to familiarity. 

"Yasmin Khan." 

"What's your mum's name?" 

She exhales to buy herself an extra second, blaming the beat of hesitation on exhaustion. "Najia Khan." 

"What are our names?" 

"The Doctor, Ryan and Graham." She points to each companion as she restlessly lists them off, more focused on repeatedly raising her brow and crinkling it to ease the ache into something more tolerable. 

When her eyes refocus she finds everyone's gaze more intent, more worried than before. She blinks in confusion, having no doubt in her mind that she got her friends' names correct. Even with full awareness of the affects the planet could be having on her mind, she knows with solidity that she could never forget them. 

"Try again." The Doctor tells her patiently, calmly, nods her head in the direction of Ryan and Graham. "Point to us like you did before." 

"The Doctor," She states confidently, pointing forwards, then shifts her hand towards the others. "Ryan, and Graham." Everyone visibly deflates, and the Doctor shakes her head anxiously. "What?" 

"I'm Ryan." Ryan raises his hand to draw her attention then drops it heavily onto his grandad's shoulder. "That's Graham." 

Of course. Of course she knew that. Yaz's mouth goes agape as she searches for the right words to ease their minds. She finds none. 

"Hey, it's alright." The Doctor smile is so practiced it's nearly mistaken for worry-free. "We're almost there, and you're doing alright besides that wobble, yeah? We'll be off world soon."

Yaz half-grins tiredly and realizes she has nothing to say. With every passing second her head gets fuzzier, the pounding gets stronger. She just wants this predicament to be another misfortune they'll laugh about somewhere down the line.

"Come on." The Doctor gives her hand a tug and the team's steps fall parallel to one another. "Ryan, help me keep an eye on her. Keep asking questions. I'll need to know if the affects are getting worse." 

"I'm alright, guys." Yaz insists and drops her fingers from where they'd subconsciously returned to her temple. "Couldn't forget you even if I wanted to."

"What about you, Doc?" Graham leans forward a bit to catch a glimpse of the Doctor's face at the other end of the line the four form. "How's the head?"

"Oh, me? So far so good." Her eyes twinkle proudly. "Whole lot more of me to erase. The planet probably doesn't even know where to start." 

"Yeah, but like Ryan said. If something gets deleted from your memory how can you know on your own if it's gone?" 

"Because I'm incredibly clever." She states plainly; her usual  _get out of jail free card_ of an excuse. "But if it makes you feel any better, you can keep an eye on me too." 

Ryan and Graham take their tasks very seriously for lack of any better way to pass the time. Every question Graham asks prompts a confident response from the Doctor with zero hesitation, and eventually her smugness annoys him into temporary silence. 

The Doctor takes the lead at some point and continues to scan the path ahead as an excuse to keep her back to the group for a bit. She feels a pulse of achy dizziness from before make itself painfully known and blinks it back into dullness. 

She listens, hearing peaked and trained on her friends as Ryan asks Yaz the same string of questions. Yaz lists off each name with a hesitation the Doctor doesn't miss, but answers each question correctly all the same. Her tensed shoulders drop and she sighs with shameless relief. They're gonna make it in time. 

"Doctor, stop." 

She bites her lip and shuts her eyes in disappointment at the obviously distressed tone to Ryan's command. She pauses, almost unwilling to turn around and face whatever inconvenience will inevitably delay their trek even more. Her pulse accelerates and she forces it back to some level of calmness with a deep breath of determination -  and she turns around, gaze instinctively falling on Yaz. She can't stop her hearts from pounding when she finds her friend doubled over and braced against Ryan's side, Graham crouched nervously before them and prompting Yaz to speak. 

"What's your name?" She hears Graham's urgent question that still manages to be consoling in the particular way only a grandparent could provide. Yaz responds correctly, immediately, through teeth gritted against obvious wooziness. 

The Doctor jogs the short distance to grab Yaz's upper arm and hunch herself over to try and get a glimpse of her eyes.

"What's your mum's name?" Ryan adds, and there's much too long of a stretch of silence before Yaz's face contorts deeper and with a pained sound nearly classified as a shout, her knees buckle. 

The Doctor holds her hands out to steady her but Ryan has already slipped a hand around her waist, hoisting her as upright as possible and accepting almost all of her weight against his shoulder. "What's your mum's name?" The volume of his voice increases and he stares down at her with unrestrained terror in his eyes. "What's your mum's name!?"

When Yaz drops her head into her hand the Doctor sees a tear seep from the corner of her eye and roll down her fingers. She reaches out with her free hand to slip it around Yaz's body, releasing the burden from Ryan and holding her friend up with almost all of her strength. "Stop." Her focus is pointed at Yaz but her words are aimed upward. "Stop pushing. You're hurting her." 

"You're alright, love." Graham's voice is soft and saddened as he watches her fingers try to dig the agony out of her forehead. "We've got ya." 

"Yaz, can you hear me?" The Doctor tries to pry her hand away from her face but it clamps tightly against her eyes. "Let's sit down. Ryan?" 

Blinking against the panic that tries to stun him to the spot, Ryan advances and takes one of Yaz arms to help the Doctor slowly ease her to the ground. Once she's down Yaz continues to slump, and they lower her onto her back. 

Graham bunches up his coat and lays it beneath her head, scooting back to anxiously observe as the Doctor hovers above their friend and scans her head to toe.

"Can you hear me?" She repeats, palm cupping Yaz's cheek, thumb swiping away the pained tears that almost draw out her own. Yaz's whole body is stiff and unmoving, clearly conscious but unwilling to jostle herself into increased discomfort. All she manages is a low hum of acknowledgement that fades into a groan. "Alright." The Doctor forces lightness into her voice. "We're gonna just sit here for a minute. Let you get your bearings. This should pass in a mo." She smiles despite the tightness in her chest. The clock ticks on and she feels the psychotropic pulls threatening her own brain more dominantly than earlier. They need to move. 

They watch and wait. The Doctor listens to her breathing, watches her hand spasm against her forehead until her knuckles go white. After too many minutes of immobility Yaz slackens, and everyone tenses. 

The Doctor hurriedly frees her hands to scan Yaz again, drops it with a thud to her left and presses her fingers to the pulse point of her neck. It's calm and steady. "She's unconscious. I'm not surprised." She slides her hand up to touch Yaz's temple, her eyes slide closed, and a split second later the Doctor jerks back with a shout. 

"Doctor!" Ryan skids over when the Doctor falls heavily onto her back. Her palms dig into her forehead and her eyes are forced open wide as she breathes away the jolt of agony.

" _Ow_." Elbowing herself upright she hisses and rubs her eyes, and when her hands drop her face is full of sadness. "Oh, Yaz. I'm so sorry." 

"What is it?" Graham's back to his hovering and he scowers Yaz's face for any new signs of distress. "What just happened?"

"We need to move." The Doctor can't hold back a grunt as she forces herself back to her feet. "We don't have time to wait for her to wake up. When she does, chances are she won't know who we are. We need to be back in the TARDIS by then." 

Ryan and Graham hold their breath and share a look, the anxiety radiating back and forth between them almost tangible. 

"It's gonna be alright." She promises, still breathless from the brief link with Yaz's mind. "If we get a move on." 

"I can carry her." Ryan is already on his knees and shoving his arms beneath Yaz's body. He hoists her up and rises to his feet with relative ease and turns to face the others, letting out a long breath that puffs out his cheeks. "Ready?" 

The Doctor dares one more glimpse of Yaz's limp form and the regret and concern that floods her thoughts is almost enough to overpower the physical discomfort. "Let's go."

"Hey, on the bright side." Graham tries. "You don't have to carry me." 

* * *

 

Ryan and the Doctor switch out the burden a couple times when their arms tire too much from Yaz's weight against them. Graham offers to help without the slightest hesitation but that  _bad back_ he'd complained about relentlessly doesn't allow him to carry her for more than a couple minutes. 

The Doctor stops and shifts Yaz's body a little higher in her grasp with a bounce. Her head droops back in relief and she gestures with her elbow to where the top of the TARDIS peeks out from behind a hill, looking brighter and bluer than ever. 

"We made it." Ryan sags in his stance. "It's not too late, is it?" 

She shakes her head. "The affects can be reversed at any point. She'll be alright, we just need to get out of here." She bounces to hoist Yaz up a little higher one more time and takes the lead. "Right, neural balancers off. Don't need the TARDIS skipping out on us again." 

The Doctor listens to Ryan and Graham's quiet grunts as they pry the devices off of their temples and shove them in their pockets. It's only a couple more minutes before they reach the entrance to the TARDIS, and she knows without looking that the relieved smiles behind her are wide and shining. The energy is contagious.

She's about to instruct Graham to open the door for them - just on the  _very_ slight off chance that the ship really does simply have some vendetta against Ryan - but a sudden insistent pulse through her brain begging for attention sends her steps staggering. 

"Whoa." Graham quickly stands in front of her and puts a steadying hand on her shoulder. "You alright, Doc?" 

"Yeah." Her head is drooped against her chest as she regains her footing, and when her eyes start to flutter Ryan is quick to reach for Yaz.

"Let me take her." He curls his arms under her body and the Doctor allows him to take her weight. She only spares a second to rub at her temples and shake her head against the wobble.

"Just lay her on the floor when we get inside." Her voice trembles and she reaches for the door handle to leverage herself against as she pushes the key into the lock. Instead of shoving the doors open she leans into them, allowing herself a millisecond of support until she's feeling steady enough to complete the journey to the console. 

Graham shuts the door behind them and Ryan lowers Yaz to the floor, crossing his legs at her side and shaking out his tired arms. "Let's get out of here." 

"We did it, boys." The Doctor drops her hands to the controls and smiles over at the two. "Good work. Home time." 

Her hands shift from one control to the other with uncertainty. She lays two fingers over a button and withdraws them, twists a knob then untwists it and worries her bottom lip with her teeth. Eyes closed, deep breath, she tries again. The rises and dips beneath her hands are anything but foreign, but none of the necessary knowledge to pilot her friends to safety falls into proper order. The Doctor opens her eyes and lifts her head to look at Ryan and Graham with deep, unrestrained, visible regret. They're quick to translate the expression.

"You can't remember how to fly the TARDIS, can you?" Graham's whole demeanor is slack and on the verge of losing hope. Ryan watches the Doctor intently, waiting for her to spit out a dozen solutions until she lands on the right one. 

But she only frowns, looks at the controls beneath her hands again, glances over at Yaz's outwardly peaceful doze that she knows is raging a war inside her friend's head. 

She confirms with a quick, "Nope." And in the blink of an eye, her focus has changed direction and her motive has shifted. "Brace for impact, guys." She crosses the console room and doesn't waver her gaze from Yaz's twitching hands. "She's waking up." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue heavy chapters are a work in progress for me. I'm better at internal monologue, especially when the fic is from the perspective of one specific character. Bear with me. Let me know what you thought!


	3. custard cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this entire chapter the day after I posted the previous one and the ENTIRE THING got deleted somehow. It's a miracle I squeezed it out today, but I'm about to work a nine hour new years eve shift until 2am and honestly checking my email for reviews every hour or so when I'm working helps keep me going.

The Doctor feels a bit guilty surrendering Yaz to the spotlight like this. Her friend's eyes flutter and fingers curl as she works to draw herself to consciousness and no one knows how to do anything but watch, wait, hope, plead to themselves that perhaps by some miracle, it's not as bad as they thought. 

Her eyes open first, slow and hesitant to leave what was probably a really nice and long overdue nap in the past. There's only a beat of that lingering groggy peace before Yaz's loose limbs go tense, her eyes widen to their fullest capacity, and she pushes herself bolt upright. The rigid confusion on her face reveals the internal  _fight or flight_ debate, like she's struggling which of the two to choose. The Doctor watches her hands curl into fists against the floor and the muscles of her neck spasm as she clenches her jaw. Her instincts have chosen fight. 

"Right, good morning!" She forces a lightness and certainty into her voice because if she doesn't take immediate control, they'll have a whole new list of problems on their hands. "Take a deep breath or two. You're safe, everything's fine." The Doctor catches Graham's brow raise in suspicion, and he makes eye contact with her to silently prompt,  _is it really?_ He and Ryan hover several paces away, nervous and antsy, watching the interaction from a safe distance and fully aware that the Doctor is most qualified to handle this particular sticky situation. She gives them a dull, emphasized blink, a  _thanks for the backup, guys_ eyeroll. 

Yaz is stunned to the spot, mouth hanging slightly open, gaze for the first time shifting away from the beings in the room and instead wandering the very foreign, very odd tech and decor littering the room. Her anxiety increases, radiating in cold waves and filling everyone with a similar uncomfortable energy. 

"You're safe." The Doctor repeats steadily, her trademark smile wide and a bit forced. "You're suffering from a bit of head wonk. Your memory will be compromised for a bit, but don't be frightened. What am I saying? Of course you're frightened." She shakes her head vigorously against Yaz's blank stare. "Listen, we're your friends, and this is a safe place. I know you're scared and confused, but things will be a lot less confusing here soon. I promise." 

For the first time Yaz's expression shifts from utter terror to simple wariness, though the tension in her body doesn't subside in the slightest. She pauses, looking towards the men in the room who's aura radiates nothing but a kind worry she sees clearly on their faces. Her shoulders lower from their spot risen almost to her ears, and she turns her head to look at the woman again. "Who are you?" 

From the look on Ryan and Graham's faces the Doctor figures they feel about the same as herself. There was an admittedly shameless hope that lingered between them, a strong want for Yaz to pop right up, laugh at the lot of them for being too serious, and reveal that she could never forget their stupid faces. Instead, her eyes don't reveal even a trace of recognition. The trust that the Doctor usually finds within them is replaced with fear, and it sends an ache of guilt spreading deep through her chest.

"I'm the Doctor. That's Ryan, and that's Graham." She points across the room and Yaz's focus follows the gesture. Ryan's hands are deep in his pockets and he gives her a half smile, visibly too saddened to even force anything more convincing. Graham just waves for lack of a better response, his own smile wide, encouraging, borderline contagious were it not for the severity. 

Yaz slowly pushes herself to her feet, maintaining flickering, back and forth eye contact with the three strangers as she backtracks until her shoulder bumps something. She twists and lifts her head to see a towering, weirdly shaped column, and she shields herself behind it. "I don't know you."

"I know that's what it feels like, but you really,  _really_ do." The Doctor's tone takes on an almost pleading note but she's quick to regain her composure. "Just sit tight while I figure this out. As soon as I -  _agh!"_ A fresh wave sends her doubled over, hand pressed against the side of her head and eyes screwed shut as she stumbles against the pain. Graham is quick to react, grateful for something to occupy his idle hands as he grasps the Doctor's shoulder's, steadying her in case she topples over. "I'm fine, I'm fine." She allows him to straighten her back up though she doesn't open her eyes until the wave has passed. Distractedly she turns to lean with her palms braced on the console, head bowed, foot subconsciously finding the pedal beneath and she accepts her reward with a grin. 

Yaz's forehead crinkles with ever growing confusion as she watches from behind the column. She lets her walls drop a bit, breaking her nervous silence to whisper to Ryan. "What's wrong with her?" 

"Same as you." The Doctor pipes before Ryan has the chance to respond, still facing the console at first then spinning around to face her whilst nibbling on a biscuit. "Head wonk." She swallows her bite then holds her hand out, palm upright and biscuit perched atop. "Custard cream? They're miracle workers, I'm tellin' you." 

"Head  _what?_ " 

The Doctor still holds her hand out, brow raised in impatient question. " _Custard cream?"_

Yaz stares at her blankly for a good few seconds before she realizes she isn't joking. "N-no thank you."

The Doctor shrugs and pops the rest of it into her mouth. "More for me, then." Mouth full and hands now free, she twists them together and stares at the floor in deep thought. "Right. I need to do some thinking. No one bother me for a bit. Graham, thanks for the helping hand," She looks over to where Graham still stands uncertainly at her left. "I'm alright now. You and Ryan keep Yaz company." Her words are muffled and hard to understand until she's swallowed the last of her snack. Dusting the crumbs off her hands, she glances across the room again. "Yaz, if you have any questions, talk to Ryan and Graham. They'll answer all of them."

"Yaz?" She parrots, showing no sign she recognizes the word. 

The Doctor's shoulders sag a bit but she doesn't allow herself to dwell on the misfortune for too long. Instead she makes pointed eye contact with Graham, then Ryan, then nods in Yaz's direction. "Get to it, then." 

Ryan budges for the first time since they re-entered the TARDIS and takes slow, careful steps towards Yaz. While she's visibly relaxed a touch the facts remain the same, and his sudden movement worries her into backing up. 

Ryan stops, eyes sad and mouth hanging open like he's searching for the right words to convince her that she has nothing to be frightened of. He's quick to realize that there are none. They have to start from scratch.

A short stretch of silence as they stare at each other, Graham watching from a respectful distance and deciding not to overwhelm her any more than necessary.

"So, um-" Ryan insecurely puts his hands back in his pockets. "What's your name?" 

Yaz's eyes narrow as if she's found the reason she was looking for to not trust them. "If you're meant to be my friends, shouldn't you know?"

Ryan stammers a bit. "I mean yeah,  _we_ know your name. But do you?" 

Her face slackens from tense suspicion to nothing but worry. She shakes her head with visible regret.  

"That's alright. None of this is your fault and like she said," He gestures to the Doctor, who still has her back to them and is focusing on the console controls but making no move to use them. "Things will be a lot less confusing soon. You're Yasmin Khan. I'm Ryan, or well, she already told you that." He stumbles over a few words and rubs the back of his neck to steady his thought. "We met in school when we were kids."

She just blinks at him for a moment, but at the very least his explanation gives her enough ease to step out from behind the column. She gestures towards the other man in the room. "And him?"

"Graham's my granddad." He goes on, hopeful and speaking faster than before. "We travel with the Doctor, the three of us. Best mates, we are. It's pretty awesome." 

She just nods, arms crossed with discomfort over her chest. 

Ryan opens his mouth to go on but doesn't want to risk pushing too hard like before. Instead he gives her a kind, albeit sad smile. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll leave you alone for a bit." He's turning heel to give her some privacy and join Graham when the Doctor suddenly spins around and claps loudly, causing everyone in the room to flinch in shock.

"Custard creams!" She announces, spreading her arms wide in an ecstatic gesture, looking back and forth between each face that stares back at her with nothing but confusion, patiently waiting for her to explain. "Custard creams!" She repeats, and her excited outburst fades into disappointment. "Seriously?" 

"You forget we don't speak your language, Doc." Graham tilts his head. "We're gonna need a bit more detail." 

"Custard creams." The Doctor takes a steadying breath. "Here's the deal: Yaz and I are a bit stuck in this predicament until I can pilot us out of here, which I can't remember how to do, which I can't remember how to do  _until_ I pilot us out of here, which I can't-"

"You're stuck in a loop, Doctor." Ryan stretches his arm out and snaps his fingers rapidly. "Focus." 

"Pilot?" Yaz repeats, dumbfounded. "Does this thing move?"

Graham grazes over her question. "Hold on, let her get everything out of her system before she loses it again."

"Right, okay." The Doctor pushes her hair away from her eyes. "What do the psychotropic waves of Ranskoor Av Kolos affect? Hint: it's in the name." 

They pause for a few seconds, and Ryan is the first to realize she's not being rhetorical. "The brain?" 

She points at him triumphantly. "Correct. Follow up question: what do the psychotropic waves of Ranskoor Av Kolos  _not_ affect?" 

Again, they stare at her in silence, and Yaz looks more lost than ever. 

"Uh," Graham tries. "Everything else?" 

"Correct!" The Doctor beams, her entire demeanor lit up with excitement. "I've been flying the TARDIS for ages. I could do it with my eyes closed. Half the time I don't even think about what I'm doing, I just let my hands do the job, you know?" 

"Muscle memory!" Ryan concludes, pleased with himself when the Doctor's broad smile proves he's right again. 

"Muscle memory." She nods. "I can't fly the TARDIS right now because I'm overthinking it. The process has been deleted from my memories, but my hands still know what they're doing. I just need to not think about it."

"Ever tried not thinking about something?" Graham challenges. "How exactly are you gonna pull this off?"

"I need a reboot. A very quick reboot. Clear all the fog from my head so that I can just  _act,_ not think." She spins around, bustling back and forth and gathering whatever atrocities she needs to carry out her plan. Seconds later she's bouncing down the stairs, standing before Graham with a custard cream in one hand and a dislodged metal rod in the other. She holds the latter out. "Take this." 

Graham grasps the rod and holds it loosely in his hands, looking down then back up at the Doctor as if he's not sure he even wants to know what she expects him to do. "What am I meant to do with this?"

"Knock me out!" No one understands how she can sound so happy amidst the statement. "Give me a good whack. A  _really_ good whack." 

Graham just stares at her, jaw dropped, eyes wide, completely wordless. 

Ryan shakes his head. "No, that won't work. When Yaz passed out she woke up way worse off than before." He gestures at his friend wildly. "Exhibit A: She doesn't even know who we are." 

"That's where the 'very quick' part of the reboot comes in." She deposits the custard cream in her right coat pocket. "You'll need to knock me out and then  _immediately_ wake me back up. You hear that? Immediately. Whatever it takes. As long as I'm not out longer than a minute or two then my brain shouldn't be affected any further, just rebooted. Once I'm up, make sure I go straight to the console. Don't let me dawdle. Make me eat my custard cream. Keep me distracted, if you need to. My muscle memory should take over as soon as I've got the idea in my head that we need to get the TARDIS off world as long as I don't dwell on it too hard."

"How are we supposed to make you eat the custard cream? Force feed?" Graham raises his hands in exasperation, one still grasping the rod. "And I still don't understand what a biscuit's got to do with any of this."

"Have you met me?" The Doctor gawks at him. "I love biscuits! No force feeding necessary. Gonna be honest, I don't think I've eaten anything  _but_ biscuits since I regenerated. It's a bit of a start of adventure routine, to pop one real quick.  _And_ an end of adventure routine. And a middle of adventure routine." She waves her hands dismissively. "Point is, if there's anything that'll help keep my thoughts grounded and on track, it's the taste of a custard cream. So. Whack time. Do your worst." She takes a step closer to give him unhindered access. 

Graham passes the item back and forth between his hands then lets it hang loosely at his side in defeat. "I'm not gonna hit you, Doc." 

"Good man, you are. That's alright, I'll do it myself." In the blink of an eye she's snatched the rod from his grasp, gives each of her companions a manic smile, and amidst the anxious shouts of  _no, no, no, don't do that!_ the Doctor hits herself in the side of the head. The rod clatters to the ground and her body immediately follows. 

Yaz stares at her crumpled form, finding herself unable to look away as Ryan and Graham throw themselves to their knees at the Doctor's side, shaking her shoulders, patting her face, shouting her name over and over. 

"Doctor, wakey wakey." Ryan grips her coat and uses it to jostle her back and forth, but her closed eyes show no sign of opening. "Graham, what do we do? She said we  _had_ to make sure she wakes right back up."

Graham spends another few seconds trying to rouse their friend singlehandedly before sinking back on his heels. "Go get some water." He holds up a finger, adding quickly before Ryan has hurried all the way to the corridor. " _Ice_ water. Blimey, she's gonna chew us out for hours when she wakes up." 

* * *

 

The peaceful silence and warm blackness is very rudely interrupted when the Doctor feels a freezing splash start at her face and roll down her neck, soaking her coat and shirt along with the hair that's now plastered to her head. She gasps at the uncomfortable sensation and bolts upright, eyes wide, panting the chill away. "That's  _COLD!"_

Ryan is standing above her, an empty bucket in one hand and she wonders why he looks so amused - and a  _bit_ pleased with himself. Yaz is staring at her with pure wonder, and she notices with a flutter in her chest that her friend looks much less frightened than before, the emotion now more or less replaced with a frenzy of silent questions. 

She's about to ask why the hell she's on the floor and why the hell they thought it was  _so_ necessary to wake her up that they had to dump ice water on her face, but suddenly Graham's hands are clasping her upper arms and pulling her into a standing position. "What're you-" 

"Hush." With Ryan's help he guides her up the handful of steps until she's standing in front of the console, eyes still trained on her friends. 

"Oi, stop pushing." She shrugs their hands off and shakes her head like a dog, sending droplets of freezing water flying from her hair and dampening the floor. 

"Check your coat pocket." Ryan captivates her attention instantly, and her hand starts to fish around in her left pocket. "No, the other one."

The Doctor withdraws the custard cream and her eyes instantly light up into a dramatic overexcitement. "Ooh, biscuit. I love biscuits." Without a second thought she pops the whole thing into her mouth, wipes her hand on her coat and starts to wonder why Ryan and Graham look so pleased with themselves. "What?" 

"Take us to Sheffield, Doc." Graham grasps her wrist and she doesn't even resist, just allows him to place her hands over the console controls. 

Yaz continues to hold her tongue. Ryan and Graham hold their breath, watching her jaw work as she chews her snack, watching her hands fumble over knobs and buttons and rises and dips. 

Seconds pass without any sign of lift off, and for a moment they're concerned her plan hadn't been as fruitful as she'd hoped. 

But on second number seven, the Doctor swallows the last of her biscuit and her hands begin to glide across the controls with the grace, fluidity and certainty of two thousand years of practice. "Sheffield it is." She pulls the lever and the grinding sounds, the ship jolts, Yaz clutches tight to the column but Ryan and Graham just laugh; allowing the TARDIS to knock them about. They stumble into the console, then into each other, and settle for gripping each other's shoulder's for balance as their laughter continues to ring out a thrilling and relieved song of freedom. 

The TARDIS lands with a thud and the Doctor watches them skeptically, toeing the pedal beneath the console out of habit and observing their peculiar behavior as she nibbles another biscuit. "What's got you two so excited?"

"You did it!" Graham shakes himself free of Ryan's grip and claps the Doctor loudly on the back, causing her to flinch at the contact and sending the biscuit flying from her hand. She eyes him with disappointment, but Graham only continues to laugh. "You got us home." 

"Of course I did, don't I always?" 

Ryan and Graham respond in unison, still smiling. "Nope." 

* * *

 

It takes almost an hour of freedom from the affects of the planet to convince Yaz to enter Ryan and Graham's home, and several more for her memories to slowly rise to the surface. By hour one, she remembers everyone's names, by hour four she's ridden with guilt and apologizing profusely for ever doubting them for even a single second. 

"Wasn't your fault, Yaz. It's alright." Ryan assures, sandwiched in between Yaz and Graham on the very sofa they'd laid the Doctor to sleep on that day of their first meet. "We were pretty worried back there. I'm just glad the two of you are okay."

"The Doctor's horrendous, nutty, full-of-holes plan ended up working out." Graham chimes in. "Somehow."

At the sound of her name, the Doctor  _finally_ ceases the insistent pacing she's been at since they got home and lifts her head from it's concentrated bow to glance over at the three. "Custard creams. I told you they're miracle workers." 

"Only you could come to that sort of conclusion." Yaz laughs. "What about you, then? All your memories back?" 

"I don't think the planet snatched that many to begin with, so yeah. All good. All is well. Everything's back to normal."

They all stare at her with the same unconvinced tilt of the head and narrowed eyes. Graham dares the question. "Then why do you still look worried?" 

The Doctor deflates, clearly in conclusion that despite her efforts she can't ignore or suppress the insistent nagging at the back of her mind. She sighs and crosses the living room to join her friends, sitting on the floor with her back against the sofa. Legs crossed, eyes fixed on her hands, she's not sure what to say. 

Yaz takes careful note of the way the Doctor's gaze shifts to Ryan and Graham specifically then falls back to the floor, like she's concerned that what she has to say will upset them. She shuffles through the dodgy, scattered memories of their trying day until she remembers the forgotten factor. "Tzim Sha." 

The Doctor drops her head a little more, eyes shut and a single heavy breath moving her shoulders up and down. "Yeah." 

Graham goes tense, facial muscles twitching as his face settles into a deep frown. "He's still out there." 

Ryan leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Graham and I thought we trapped him, but-" 

"He's still out there." The Doctor concludes, lifting her head and shifting on the floor until she's facing them. "We've made a serious enemy of him, that's for sure." 

"Are you gonna go after him?" Yaz asks, and in her peripheral she sees Graham's head perk up and focus intensify as he waits for the Doctor's response.

"No." She responds, unwavering, and Graham sags in disappointment. "I've got a nasty feeling about him. Prefer to keep my distance, but I'm sure he'll find us sooner or later." 

"So we're just gonna wait him out? Is that really a good idea?" Ryan sits up straight again. "He's dangerous.  _Proper_ dangerous. We can't just leave him out there." 

"We can, and we have to. We have to let the universe decide when the time is right, because rushing in guns ablaze is how you get hurt. How you get  _killed._ " Her voice hardens. "He'll lay low for a while, but we haven't seen the last of him. When the time is right, we'll settle this once and for all." 

"How?" Graham challenges. "If we can't kill him, how do we stop him?" 

"You know, I've been asked that question a lot. And every time," She forces a smirk to lighten the mood. "I find a way." 

"Every time?"

"Every time." The Doctor rises to her feet and nudges Ryan and Yaz aside so she can squeeze onto the sofa in between them. "Have faith. Live your lives unaffected by the  _what if's._ Everything works out in the end." She meets their uncertain eyes, then rephrases her order. "Have faith in  _me._ " 

And with that, everyone lightens, soothed by trust and nothing more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's all folks! thanks so much for reading, let me know what you thought!! Resolution airs tomorrow so I'll probably get a big spark of writing ideas and manage to come out with something new here soon.


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